Thank you for sharing your emotions and thinking about your circumstances. It’s very raw and very real.

My autistic son is 20. For me, the path through the grief was lit by statement you shared about recognizing the unique goodness in how his condition has shaped who he is. I learned to focus my attention on only those special traits. I later recognized the gift he is to me. Any spiritual growth, any goodness I have is a direct result of caring for him. Serving him is an honor and a privilege.

Have you ever read about Mother Theresa’s technique for her spiritual practice? When she provides comfort and care for the poor in Calcutta’s slums, she imagines each person is the incarnation of Jesus Christ, He who she most reveres. I can’t say that I see God in my son’s eyes, particularly when he’s being difficult, but I do try to keep the thought in my mind that caring for him is my spiritual practice.