The Spotless Mind of the Abusive Male: Ignorance, Arrogance, Indifference

Male abusers are blissfully unaware of the pain they inflict on others.

No man wants to admit to being an abuser.

Most of us have a world view where we are a great person, pure of intention, even if we make occasional mistakes.

As long as our intentions are good, we feel our good intentions wash away responsibility for our actions.

I Am An Abuser

I remember the first talk with my ex-wife after realizing my failings. I was ready to help her heal, ready to be the one who made things right. She said, “Your abuser can’t be the one to heal you.“

The word slammed into me, heavy and unyielding.

Abuser.

The old reflex kicked in, the mind grinding along its worn track: Not this abuser crap again. The thought flickered and stalled; But I failed to energize it with righteous certainty like during our marriage. The thought faded away.

And then, something else rose up — a pang, sharp, piercing my heart. Regret, raw and steady, stirred in my chest, a reminder of everything I’d tried to unlearn.